No thanks, I’ll be fine

I was laying in bed last night with one eye open and blearily caught an ad for the latest ‘feel good by making you feel guilty’ initiative to target drinkers. The wrong drinkers.

This latest effort is called ‘FEB FAST’ and encourages us to “sacrifice or alcohol intake during the shortest month of the year and, at the same time raise funds to support organisations working to reduce alcohol ... harms in young people through research, prevention and service delivery activities”.

It is based on the premise that we have all been silly and evil and unhealthy during the Christmas and New Year period and we must all feel very, very guilty and be cleansed and purified by coughing up enough coin to fund programs to tell pissed idiots that they perhaps shouldn’t drink quite so much. Like they’ll listen.

Don’t get me wrong, here, I have said many times that I support efforts to reduce the human and financial cost of drink and drug abuse but I object to being made to feel guilty and be expected to fund the cure by giving away some beery enjoyment for the privilege. Plus, we all contribute plenty through income as well as beer taxes and levies and education efforts should be funded this way. It may just be me, but I also had a heap of trouble trying to find out where the money goes, how much they raise and who skims off the top but I’m prepared to attribute that to poor website design until I can determine otherwise.

Having said that, if you want to give away the beers for a month, and donate to a group of marketing, legal and other commercial types like those listed for FEB FAST - good for you. But how about the option of donating the equivalent of what you spend on beer for the month (as I proposed for Movember) as an option? Lose the whole guilt trip thing.

Plus, you buggers have already taken over October with your ‘Oc-Sober’ promotion. And finally how about looking into effective ways of getting the message to those who really need it and won’t heed it? I don’t have the answers but I’m guessing that it doesn’t involve preaching to the converted.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

New Year Revelations

It looks as though 2009 will be a big year for this little Beer Bloke.

December 31, 2008 was not just the final day of the year that saw Krudd 747* stamp his mark all over the globe, the mighty Hawks win the AFL competition and the world financial structure get all shaky and stuff, it was also the day that I realised that I need to look at what I’m doing this next year.

I had no fewer than four different people insisting that I turn some of my passion into new and exciting business opportunities. And not ‘new and exciting business opportunities’ to which wankers trying to sell you Amway refer, but actual, real-life, profitable business opportunities. What made these suggestions all come together on the same night I can only attribute to luck, serendipity or Beer Karma but, as I believe you make your own luck and I don’t really know what serendipity means, I’m gonna go with Beer Karma, OK?

“You need to open a beer and cheese lounge that has a kind of ‘Richmond Hill Larder’ sort of feel to it” was the first one that came up (thanks, Barbara) and I could see myself running something like that. The fact that she specifically wanted it to be within walking distance of her own house might make it a little harder to get off the drawing board, but we’ll see. I’m also not sure about the chances of getting an on-premise liquor licence with that particular council.

“This year, why don’t you look at opening a retail beer shop that specialises in local and imported craft beers?” (Thanks, Jon). Again, a nice thought but I don’t pretend for a minute that I could do it as well, let alone better than Cloudwine, Purvis or Sword’s. Plus I like all the guys and girls that I deal with at these shops and couldn’t see myself going up against them.

“Ever thought you should have a beer themed restaurant of your own?” Yes and no, Rob. Yes a restaurant that treats beer like others treat wine would be the best thing to happen to restaurants since a beer themed restaurant ... hang on a minute? That just might work. The only problem is that some people are operators and others are owners – the best venues are either the ones where the operator IS the owner or where the owner lets the operator run it autonomously and unfettered – and here lies the issue. I could run a place like that and have a ball, probably make a ton of coin as well, but I’m not the sort to make that kind of financial commitment and I also hate all the bullshitty admin types of things that stop you from spending more time with your staff, your guests, your family or all of the above.

Having said that, if anyone wants to stump up the cash, the Beer Bloke Beer Hall name is available, commercially viable (I reckon) and yes, I would love to run it for you!

The last New Years revelation came from Sed and was the one that most made me stop and think seriously about the idea. “You should bring out your own beer this year.” Hmmm. Contract brewing is something that many have utilised to get some really good beers out into the market – Barons, Outback, Snowy Mountains Brewing – all the joys and happiness of having a beer with your name on it without the capital outlay and expense of actually owning a brewery. Hmm. While I know that I am a fair way off that dream just now, it made me think seriously about taking the next step, at least.

With Shandy’s help I am going to take the homebrew to the next stage and start using grain rather than extract so that I can begin to master the art of brewing rather than just being a ‘casual observer’. And this got me thinking about the original dream of a Beer Blokes Beer sitting on shelves and in bar fridges and in gleaming glasses clasped in blokes’ hands. It aint gonna happen by sitting back and waiting for it, so her goes nothin’ ...

This year I am going to get myself a gig working in a brewery, learning the ropes, ‘mucking out’ the mash tuns, cleaning stuff and hauling stock, just like the early days of my hospitality career where I did my time and ‘made my bones’ scraping crap from pots, scouring pans and mopping floors ... all the things that made me appreciate the good times in later years. I want to know the ins and outs of the process, the subtleties of temperature and time, the development of aroma and flavour and, most of all, I want to take my passion for beer to the next level and channel my energies into something, well, liquid!

I’ll be the perfect work experience kid! Loyal, trustworthy, reliable and with his own car and his Mum’s permission! Got to go now and work on my resume!

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

*Prime Minister Kevin Rudd also claimed the award for ‘Politician using the mostest big words in every sentence ever without saying anything’ for 2008.

New Year with friends, old and new

The drawback to working in hospitality at this end of the year is that you have to work while others play and, for the most part, that suits me just fine. I still get to do what I love which is to talk about beer a lot and help folk to choose nice beers that I think they’ll enjoy or that will match well with their meals and I get to pour beer for them, which I also love doing. And I can still catch up with friends and family during December sometime.

But New Year’s Eve is a bit different. Your mates can’t reschedule the party because you have to work – New Year’s Eve is New Year’s Eve. It’s a good night to catch up with friends and all their kids, to kick back and talk crap and to just sort of rule a line through the ledger of the year gone and start afresh, mentally. Plus, I believe beer is traditionally consumed at this event.

The restaurant was not only open for dinner on NYE but we were the ONLY game in town. And ours is a smallish ‘village’ kind of town, with a steadily growing population but a cosy community sort of feel to the shopping area. The other six or seven restaurants were all closed so we were pretty full and therefore pretty busy. No chance to sneak away and join the party early! The boss had decided that we would offer a full A La Carte menu rather than a set price special menu but that we would be serving dinner only, no midnight ringing-in, and all out to your parties or fireworks or whatever by 10.30. A good compromise.

So my old friends would have to wait. But there’s a funny thing about the restaurant business – it deals up nice surprises when you least expect it. Rather than regretting that I would not get to the party much before midnight, I found myself making new friends throughout the dining room. Here, seated before me, were a group of people who were out to have a good night, a nice feed and some pleasant company and wanted me and my crew to be a part of it. Young and old, couples and groups, families and old friends. A nice spirit in the room.

Some were after a chat about the history of the building while others were congratulating us on our TV showdown victory. The larger groups in the back room were after a fun night with plenty of liquid social lubrication while others were there to enjoy a few selections from our extensive beer list. And this is where the fun part comes in for me. Being asked to recommend a beer, either to jst drink, or to match with food. A challenge every time, but one that I relish. It is both a privilege and a responsibility when someone you’ve just met charges you with the onerous task of selecting a beer for them.

Rod and Barbara are the sort of people that I have gown to love meeting because they are willing to take a chance on a new beer, they are prepared for the fact that they may choose one that they don’t particularly like and, most importantly, they are a couple who both drink beer! Great! I was asked to select a couple of beers to match up with main course of fillet steak (pepper sauce and garlic cream) as well as a couple of beers to go with a cheese platter and pate. As I said, a new challenge around every corner. I have promised them that I would post a bit about Pale Ales and I am working on that at the moment but, for now, I can tell you that a Little Creatures (US style) Pale Ale works really well with blue cheese and that Unibroue’s La Fin Du Monde strong Belgian ale partnered a treat with the pate.

I got away around 11 and arrived at my NYE party in time to see in the New Year with old friends, family and loved ones and it felt as though I’d been there all night. So, to all those I spent the night with, welcoming in the new and seeing out the old – to friends old and new – my every best wish for 09 and here’s to sampling more craft beers and meeting more new friends.

Cheers
Prof. Pilsner