You can’t always blame the beer

Before I regale you all with a series of wittily written travel stories from my trip to Tassie, I thought I’d begin with something of a cautionary tale.

The House of Pilsner is a fairly low maintenance affair with just a couple of goldfish to be cared for and the daily newspaper and mail to be collected. As we would be away for ten days we were happy a neighbour to look after things for us.

As it happened, the recently Sydney-relocated family of Dr Lager was to be back in Melbourne for the Easter break and a conference for Dr Lager so it was convenient for them to stay here and kill two birds with one stone. We needed a house-sitter and they needed a place to stay. A simple problem simply fixed. Or so you’d think.

Many of my readers may be familiar with the complex and intricate methods employed in order to make a house both secure and, at the same time, accessible to those with a valid purpose for entering. You and I know them as – DOORS – and they are reasonably straightforward in their operation. They very often consist of just TWO primary features. A KEY and a DOOR HANDLE.

We called home to see how the Lagers were settling in on the second day to find that , well, without putting too fine a point on it, they hadn’t ‘got there’ yet. That is to say they HAD ‘got there’ the night before (as planned) but couldn’t GET IN (as planned).

You see – and here’s where the tricky bit comes in – one of the Lagers (promised I wouldn’t identify to protect the guilty – but here’s a subtle clue; Oestrogen) WAS able to get the key into the lock. WAS able to turn key in lock. WAS also able to turn handle. WAS NOT able to perform both activities simultaneously. Remained on wrong side of threshold. Stayed at Mother-in-Laws place for the night instead.

I have since installed large cat-flap type arrangement in case they visit again.

Cheers,
Prof Pilsner

Beer Blokes and Community Service

Over the last four years this blog, while sticking to its original objectives, has changed. In some cases this has been the result of new knowledge or work and family challenges or just because I have matured a bit along the way (?!)
While I have always tried to steer away from doing beer reviews, as such, I have always been a voice for emerging trends, beer culture shifts and a bit of historical highlight and light-hearted entertainment. Beer Blokes now moves to provide a new Community Service.
You see, the ‘other half’, the ‘silent partner’ the ‘mystery man’ – Dr Lager (who? I hear you mutter) has moved on. To Sydney. He and the Lager family have upped stumps and settled into The Emerald City for at least the next few years. We have known each other since under-5s basketball and started home brewing together four years back and our kids have grown up together and all that sort of stuff.
So Beer Blokes is now charged with the responsibility of providing the Lagers – and Mrs Lager in particular – with up to date beer news and family snippets as she adjusts to a new city, new schools and new challenges while Dr Lager swans around the state being a high-powered in-charge-of-lots-of-things kind of bloke.
In return, I’m sure Mrs Lager will keep me informed of beer trends and any pressing issues that need addressing. For example, in her last e-mail, she mentioned the number of backpackers wandering Bondi Beach with long necks of Foster’s Lager. I mean, where the f@#% are they even getting them from?!?
In another piece of news, she also informed me that the family was asked to move from the beach by lifeguards who informed them that they had camped on some broken glass. They removed the towel to find Coronas. So now we know where that crop comes from as well.
More soon. And, Tim, I expect you to come up with some ‘places of interest’ around your home town to share with the Dr and his clan. As a hint, his ‘places of interest’ usually serve beer in some form or another.
Cheers

... and speaking of VB

I got a call from Dr Lager the other day.

“I’m over here in Singapore. Whaddya reckon they charge you for a stubby of VB? In a restaurant? Normal size? Go on, have a guess! You won’t believe it!!”

“I dunno ... twelve bucks?”

“ ......(silence) ...... Yeah? Howdya know?”

Mrs Pilsner and the eldest Pilsner spent a few days in Singapore on the way back from a trip to Thailand and that was one of the first things they relayed back to me. What I hadn’t realised was that there is some kind of official ‘Don’t Drink Beer’ campaign going on in this island state that is very disturbing.

According to Dr Lager, and confirmed when he popped over and we scoured the net together for menus and price lists, even local draught beer is priced so as to deter the average drinker from being able to afford to get even a little bit tipsy.

$38.50 for a jug (1.25 litres or so) of draught beer and $8 for a glass!! What?!? Think about that the next time you are charged ‘over the odds’ for a pint.

I still can’t get over the fact that you can pay $12 for a VB. If I’m paying twelve bucks for VB – which I wouldn’t – I want to see him chaperoned by at least three of his little green labelled mates. I don’t know what’s worse, actually. The fact that someone is charging that much for VB, or the mere fact that VB is available in Singapore.

Fair dinkum, there oughta be a law.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner