Buses, Beechworth, Bright and a bit of Beer

On paper it all innocent enough. A weekend bus trip to historic Beechworth in Victoria’s North East on Saturday and a casual lunch visit to Bright on the Sunday for lunch.

This trip, however, was not conducted on paper but in the form of three minibuses filled with Ale Stars and Local Taphouse regulars and the destinations included two of Victoria’s finest craft breweries and Beechworth’s oldest hotel so ‘innocent’ was suddenly looking like a forlorn hope.

Add to the mix three 2-way radios, 3 dodgy Op Shop Bus Driver uniforms and a healthy dose of shenanigans and the trip began to take on more of a Footy Trip feel.

In short the trip had everything. From stunning views and limited release brews to bargain hunting and Bogan spotting – we even had real beer tears and lost a couple of our number along the way.

It all began just before our scheduled departure time when Justin rang Guy from Thrifty Rentals in South Melbourne to explain that they had no record of our bus booking. “That’s probably because the bus is booked at Avis Rentals in South Melbourne”, Guy replied. This was a good omen.


With all passengers (and buses) accounted for we set off in convoy for Beechworth some 300 kms away. Trivia questions and a beer version of ‘Spotto’ were on hand to keep ‘the kids’ amused on the 3 & a 1/2 hour journey but it wasn’t long before it became clear that Fun & Frivolity would be the order of the day. An exchange of paperwork at the first set of traffic lights kinda set the standard.

And we hadn’t had a beer yet.

Communication between buses via 2 way radios was arranged so that stops could be co-ordinated, road conditions passed on and, most importantly, so that no-one would get lost. Two outta three ain’t bad. Green Leader (Guy) headed us along the Hume until the first Wangaratta turn off where he took the exit before Amber 2 (Prof) could get on the mike and say “DON’T!!” Silver Fox (Justin) had a big call to make; follow the Prof’s call or head off with the tear-aways.

He chose poorly.

A call was put out quickly (before we lost radio contact) to let the Lost Boys know that we would wait on the Great Alpine Road while they took in the unplanned sights of Wangaratta township. We expected to catch them up in around 10 minutes. That’s ten minutes in normal time, which is actually twenty minutes in “Wangaratta is flooded and we needed to take a bit of a detour time”.

Two important decisions were then made. JJ and GG allowed the Prof to change his call sign to ‘Lone Wolf’ and also that ‘Lone Wolf’ would take the lead from here on in. A relatively relaxing and uneventful jaunt into Beechworth saw us head in convoy down Ford Street and around into the back carpark of Bridge Road Brewers at – you won’t believe this – exactly 1.15pm as per the itinerary. Things could really only go pear-shaped from this point.





While the thirsty travellers availed themselves of several of Ben Kraus’ splendid brews the bus drivers drove the convoy to Latrobe at Beechworth which, despite being no more than 10 minutes walking distance from the brewery, took us half an hour, 2 laps of town and a visit to the Information Centre to locate. I should have led us off. Once the group was checked-in and the luggage dumped en masse in the closest room, the drivers headed back to Bridge road Brewers to begin the Bus Drivers’ favourite game, “Catch Up”.

The afternoon was spent enjoying the local culture while the night was spent enjoying the local wildlife. It’s fair to say that a fair amount of coin was ploughed into the local economy and it wasn’t long before the town knew it had some visitors. The night wore on in various lengths and as the sun came up the last of the crew was getting back to bed as the first were presenting for breakfast.

By the time our scheduled departure drew near we realised we were 2 short of a full tour as some friends of James had yet to surface. A light knock on their door suggested they had wandered into town with half a dozen others but, when leaving time arrived and they were still MIA, a gentle pounding was applied to the door before the decision was made to leave without them. Afterall, a 6.6% attrition rate for a tour of this type is more than acceptable.





We made our way to Bright with a couple of fake indicator manoeuvres, a couple of ‘two-times-round-the-roundabout’ and more than a couple of sore heads. Beautiful sunshine greeted us, along with Scott Brandon from Bright Brewery and after a tour and some more tastings we had lunch and a special dessert – some ‘experimental’ chill distilled Fainter’s Dubbel from Scott’s cellar. A cracking warm and rich sherry-like brew but not one for those with a four hour drive to look forward to.

As we wound up our trip with the obligatory ‘after’ group photo (including two chairs with Bright Mini Kegs to represent our fallen comrades) we bade farewell to Bright and pointed the wagons homeward. Carefully planned piss stops, sorry Pit Stops and pre-arranged drop offs were confirmed and we were away. These plans were all soon discarded as we stopped off at the Milawa Cheese factory and several bladders proved to be less iron-clad than their owners had given them credit for.





The trip concluded with some absolutely text-book sensational co-ordinated passing moves (geez those 2 way radios were worth the effort!) and some very entertaining rounds of Spot The Bogan before we approached the lights of the city. Before we began to shed passengers along the way into St Kilda a straw poll was conducted to see which of the many beers sampled over the preceding 48 hours was the favourite.

The Bridge Road B2 Bomber and the Bright Staircase Porter were well supported but the clear winner was the Bridge Road Bier de Garde on handpump at Tanswell’s commercial Hotel. As too what was the funniest/scariest/most embarrassing moment from the weekend ... well, you know, what happens on tour STAYS on tour!

Needless to say preparations are being made to arrange the next Ale Stars Road Trip with various destinations and durations being considered. I’m all for returning to Beechworth and Bright again and I’ve even offered to drive the big bus.

If nothing else, we owe it to the two we left behind to at least make a half-arsed effort to find them!

Cheers
Prof Pilsner





P.S. A huge thank you to Big Kelv for his sterling job of Wingman. Shotgun Rider, Navigator and, most importantly, Hanging-Out-The-Window-Photographer on my bus. And a special shout-out to all my passengers for their company and friendship. We really must do it all again. Soon.

47 people get off a bus and walk into a brewery

A picture perfect Melbourne Autumn day, one large coach (and driver), three beer-filled destinations ahead and 47 Ale Stars – is there a better way to spend a Saturday?

The Local Taphouse in St Kilda was the launching point for the first Ale Stars Road Trip and the Yarra Valley was the beneficiary of our company, our cash and our special brand of beery comedy. That is to say that the cash and the company came first, the comedy would emerge relative to the volume of beer we would consume.

Our first port of call was Coldstream Brewery for a guided tour and late morning samples of their fine small batch brews, but not before a rambling tour of Melbourne’s leafy inner Eastern suburbs before hitting the Eastern Freeway and allowing Steve to deliver the itinerary and the ‘Muck around and I’ll turn this bus right around and there’ll be no beer for anyone-don’t make me come down the back of the bus!’ talk.

As the closest thing to a ‘local’ it was up to me to point out to those around the various places of historical and cultural interest as we moved further out from the city. Loud gasps and hushed awe alike were heard as I directed attention to landmarks such as Eastland Shopping Centre, the Lilydale quarry and Car City. The majestic National Trust listed home of Dame Nellie Melba just outside Healesville was universally ignored.

Coldstream Brewery sits at the doorway to the Yarra Valley and, while from outside it looks as though it could have been a corner store in a previous life - and Shandy was surprised to find it ‘nestled amongst the servos and the sand n’ soil joint, rather than in some idyllic locale’ – it was certainly a warm and beery welcome that awaited.

Brewer Rod Williams led the halved group through the brewhouse while the other half parked themselves in the very homely bar and sampled the fruits of the brewer’s labour. Coldstream Lager and Bitter were followed by the seasonal Autumn Porter which was then transmogrified into the local version of a Black &Tan. Anybody who felt that the trip was in any way becoming like a school field trip with educational information and guided tours was soon relieved of this misgiving.

As we were about to re-board (re-embark?) the coach our little beery haven was filled to the brim with Morris Dancers – you know, hanky dancin’, noisy bells on their balls, silly boaters and antiquated English traditions? The Coldstream Cider was obviously of a very fine quality and the jolly folksters arrived en masse at the sound of the tapping of the coi-dair keg. They gave us a quick exhibition of their jaunty craft in the car park as our coach pulled out and some were heard to declare that the road trip was now really underway.



The short drive into Yarra Glen was made to feel even quicker as the now primed Ale Stars spent the time laughing, piss-taking, and providing rather well orchestrated choruses of the word ‘photo’ – or ‘phooor-tooor’ as Shandy would have it.

Hargreaves Hill Restaurant & Bar is housed in the old Colonial Bank building in Yarra Glen and despite losing the actual brewery in the Black Saturday bushfires at Steel’s Creek, Simon and his staff were able to keep us well refreshed with both his own stellar craft brews as well as craft brews from Red Hill and Temple breweries with a real treat – Chimay on draught.

The Ale Stars were then treated to a lunch fit for a King – or 47 reasonably well lubricated jokesters making fun of Shandy’s accent – and a procession of tasting glasses featuring all six tap beers. While opinion was divided on some brews (particularly those of us sipping what we were TOLD was a pilsner, but was confusingly a saison! D’OH!) The main interest lay in the noticeable difference in taste between a small sampler and a full size glass. The ratio of liquid dispersal to oxygenation regimes with a friction co-efficient factored in and the physical ratio of depth to width was commented on by nearly everybody. (Ding-Ding, tech foul)

We were fortunate to have a good hour and a half at Hargreaves Hill as this was roughly the amount of time our coach driver, Bubbly Bob, required to un-jam the bus from between the fence and the pedestrian bollard. Having 47 now very well lubricated Ale Stars offering advice and pissed giggles probably didn’t help, as it turned out. A few of us looked after him by shifting some temporary fencing. Well, it was temporary after we shifted it.

Our last stop before heading back to civilisation was the yet-to-be-opened White Rabbit Brewery in Healesville. This is a project by the Little Creatures people in WA and intends to produce just a single, ‘styleless’ beer as well as providing a nice place to stop and watch the brewing process while enjoying some fine beer. The point of difference here is the use of an open fermentation tank which is locked away in a sterile room and visible via a CCTV set up. You wouldn’t think that watching a TV showing a vat of vigorously overflowing foaming yeast would hold much interest but there were plenty of our number glued to the screen. Certainly more value in this show than in ten seasons of Big Brother.

Arguably the highlight of the road trip came next as we were fortunate enough to sample the test brew straight from the maturation tank – the first to try it after only the brewer. Can’t say you have that kind of opportunity too often.

As we loaded back onto the coach, happier but slower, plans were already being hatched for the next Ale Stars Road Trip. Steve at The Local Taphouse did a fantastic job of organising the itinerary and the details as well as managing the rather hefty tab left over due to the extra numbers attending and for all of this we are very grateful. 2009 – Re-building the Bush, One Beer at a Time – was a massive success and all agreed that a very fine and beery time was had by all.

...and we have the “phooor-tooors” to prove it.

Cheers
Prof. Pilsner