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Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts

Monday, October 20, 2008

How would YOU punish a Beer Bastard?



Interesting news from the spiritual home of Australian sport. It seems that in recent times the MCG has been the scene of a crime sneakier than a Shane Warne flipper.

Heralded as ‘footy’s big beer rip-off’ in the Melbourne daily paper, the report deals with the beer vendor at the great stadium pulling some sort of beer scam on the unknowing punters. Now, as this concerns beer, I consider this a serious issue and my attention was immediately aroused. Apparently thousands of sports fans got less than what they paid for.

I read on expecting the worst –that maybe the caterer was substituting Carlton Mid Strength for something of even less character (a neat trick that would be) – or perhaps they were putting cat’s piss in the light alcohol beer. Not likely as (A) Someone would have to have bought one and (B) Someone would had to have noticed the difference.

Maybe the fiends were watering down the brew? Hmmm, unlikely as the Granny Governments punishment for wasting the old H2O would have been deterrent enough for even the nastiest scammer.

No, I discovered as I read further, this was all about short-pouring. Regular visitors to any of Australia’s major sporting arenas will be familiar with the current practice of ‘overflowing’ whereby the spotty 16 year old on work experience passes the beers to you with such lack of grace that rather than presenting nicely with a fine head of foam, the top fifth sloshes out and presents nicely down the front of your shirt. But this is not what thy have been busted for. No, no. Much worse.

During rounds 13, 14 and 15 of this year’s AFL season, beer was sold in plastic cups marked as holding 425mls but which actually held only ... 419mls!!!!! That’s a ‘whopping’ 6 millilitres of amber nectar that was missing from your undersized plastic cup. I am rubbish at percentages but if 425 is 100% then 419 must be ... must be ... (a hundred divided into 419, no, no, 425, then times a hundred ... no, no wait a sec, I can do this, 425 minus the 419 then times that by 100, no, no .. hang on) equals ... it’s not a very big percentage AT ALL!!!!

It is stated that these evil short measure pots were used for eight matches before alert staff noticed the difference. That would be the same staff that don’t know the difference between Bourbon & Cola and Bundy & Coke? The same staff who can’t seem to get all the beer you have paid for across the bar to you in one receptacle?

Consumer Affairs Victoria investigators investigated and found that the cups were marked as 425ml but only held 419ml. Our taxes at work. Now how about investigating the reason that we pay about the same amount for one beer at the footy as my American friends pay for a six pack of craft beer. Retail!!! Do something useful, people.

And now to the crunch. How do you punish a company for such a transgression? The potential ‘financial loss’ to those whose beers were short was determined to be $17,989. The catering firm was ordered to donate $18,000 to charity. As you can see, this time the amount was rounded up, rather than down.

And how did this all come to be, in the first place? Well, it would appear that the problem cups were manufactured in Taiwan and the company responsible would ‘no longer be used’ according to a company spokesman.

And the funniest thing for me was this. The cups were made of a special new environmentally friendly plastic! We are going to save the planet by making beer drinkers drink a tiny bit less beer - 6 mls at a time. Global warming strikes again!!

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

By the way, for those playing at home, the difference in percentage terms between 425 and 419 is actually 1.5. I didn’t work that out myself, I just read the rest of the story now and it was down near the end of the article.

Friday, September 26, 2008

It’s going to be a big week



As I sit at here right now I am in that place where every sports fan dreams of being. It is Grand Final day – the Premiership, The Big Show, the place where legends are born, heroes are made and where ‘Winners are Grinners and a Shit Sandwich for second’ – the last day of the season in my hometown’s sport of choice, the AFL. And my Hawks are there, challenging for football’s ultimate prize. And that’s all for clichés and catch-phases, I promise. (Well, might sneak one more in later).

The Hawthorn football club is a proud and humble club, admitted to the Victorian Football League in 1925 and starved of success for nearly 40 years before unleashing an era of dominance which realised 9 Premierships between 1961 and 1991. They have failed to reach the big stage since that last flag. Until today.

A young squad boasting equal parts grit and flair, the young Hawks of 08 are poised to write their names in the history books along side those of the players who they watched as kids. Blokes who will play today were not out of nappies when the last champion Hawthorn teams were breaking records for consecutive Grand Final appearances, for record breaking winning margins and for breaking opposition hearts, spirits and bones in the Hawks golden heyday of the late 80’s.

I will watch the boys today and feel proud to be a supporter of the Brown and Gold and know that, win or lose, I can be pleased with the year that they have delivered to their loyal fans. I will watch the game and hope that they win, but not be disappointed if they give their best and fall short. I will still support them in defeat and will graciously give congratulations to the Geelong Cats if they are to walk away as winners.

But what I won’t do is have a beer. Or ten! Can you believe that shit!?! I am ‘on call’ this week for the State Emergency Service and, while on nearly any other week I could get someone to cover for me, Grand Final day is a different beast altogether. It is also a day where, sadly someone somewhere usually decides it’s OK to drive the car home after a skin full of Carlton Draught and wraps themselves around a tree or a pole and we have to cut them out. They are usually considerate enough not to do this during the game, so I hope to be able to watch from start to finish.

Must go, the pre game ‘entertainment’ is winding up and the boys will be running out shortly. With luck and skill the Hawks will prevail and on Monday night after ‘handover’ I can raid the fridge and crack a nice cold ‘something special’. Win, lose or draw.

Then, next week, I will do it all again as my NRL team, the Melbourne Storm last night booked themselves a spot in their third consecutive Grand Final decider in Sydney next Sunday. I will have more tales to tell and more beers to share with mates. Look out!

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

P.S I am just taking it one week at a time at the moment.