Big Helga and the Professor

As a Beer Bloke I’m often asked for an opinion on a beer. Usually it’s a guest in the restaurant or a mate at a function or even that little old lady in Dan Murphy’s who was happy to ask a stranger (I was also the only other person in the craft/imported beer section at the time) for some advice. And while I’ll never just bag a beer – I might strongly suggest an alternative – I always try to say nice things.

When there is an added incentive to say nice things – say, the offer of a very nice, badged beer glass and some free product, well, you know...you know how it is... ?
It doesn’t make any difference.

When I was approached to accept a free gift and some free pots in return for promoting a new beer I said I would be glad to help out. Anything to get more people drinking better beer and all that. I added that I didn’t really do ‘beer reviews’ and I wouldn’t say anything that I wasn’t prepared to stand behind.

At this point I wasn’t told which beer I would be spruiking, although; “A large boutique brewery client that wants to send you a 6-pack of their new, unreleased publicly Munich style Lager/Pale Ale” did lead me to suspect that a rather tall German lady might be arriving shortly in liquid form.* And don’t we all want that!

Plenty has been written and spoken about Big Helga in the beer blogosphere recently and I have to admit that I already had a soft spot for Matildas Bays’ latest garage-engineered brew, having sampled it with the brewers at the Microbrewery Showcase back in November.

She is a lovely light-golden lager who, while maybe not strictly speaking an Oktoberfest lager, certainly has the required ID that would see her easily admitted to the beer tent in Munich. There is a bit of debate about as to whether or not it has too much hop flavour to be a true Helles or not enough to be an Oktoberfest beer, but either way, she is refreshing and rewarding.

And, as it is with all good beers, it has some stories attached. I can promise you, from years of suggesting and then pouring various beers for guests, the easiest ones to sell are the ones with a story. Big Helga’s ‘heritage’ may be straight from the first chapter of the Marketing For Dummies Manual and you can take that for what it’s worth, but it has a very credible back-story concerning the lass representing the ‘original’ Big Helga at the product launch back in October.

MB Executive, Jamie Fox had found it impossible to find a model with the suitable height to carry the role until a late night tram ride revealed a possible candidate for the future Helga. Apparently half-tanked and inarguably half her size, he made the last-second decision to jump off the tram when she did and accost her in the street. The old yarn about the girl-on-the-tram and the ‘modelling agent’ could easily have played out with the pint-sized stalker gazing at the night sky from the gutter – he didn’t even have a business card on him to back his sketchy claims! Fortunately she took the chance and now Big Helga lives!

For those beerily-minded folk reading this Big Helga’s ‘stats’ are as follows;
She sits around the 20 IBU mark, giving her roughly the same bitterness as a VB or Toohey’s New and she weighs in at 4.7% ABV. For the really beer-nerdy among you, her ‘complexion’ is 12 EBC making her just a little more golden than a Helles might ordinarily be. She is bittered and flavoured with a NZ Pacifica hop in both kettle and dry form producing plenty of flavour without too much bitterness. Just what you want in a good woman.

But, to finish, she IS a little different. Brewer Scott Vincent describes her as a good lawnmower beer for the session drinkers but a beer which rewards the Thinkin’ Drinker with some inner complexity. Some tropical fruit aromas and a dry resonance makes her very palatable and a good partner to the increasingly popular older brother, Fat Yak.

Did I make you want to go out and get yourself some? Because I could do with some promo stuff and I gotta earn it first!

Cheers
Prof. Pilsner

*At the time of posting, she still hasn’t arrived in the promised six-pack form.

P.S. The pic I found on Matt's blog probably doesn't show just how tall Big Helga is - Matt is a pretty tall streak himself. Is it too late to ask if I can use your pic, Matt?

The people you meet ...

When you’re having a beer.

While enjoying the simple pleasures of Trappist Ales and perhaps a few quiet birthday ales as well, when a new-comer arrived after the official proceedings had concluded. Dr Lager, Chris and I had just been speaking about the kinds of people who turn up to The Local Taphouse after an Ale Stars evening and the kinds of laughs we get, so we were watching this bloke with interest.

He was one of those blokes who ‘kinda-sorta-look-familiar’ but you don’t think you’ve met them before, yet you figure you know them. He was chatting to Guy and Justin next to us when I overheard Guy saying, “Yeah he IS. He’s standing right behind you.”

“G’Day, Prof, I’m Beer Matt,” he says. If only for the fact that I may have been on my fourth birthday drink, you could have knocked me down with beer label. Beer Matt, is Matt Kirkegaard, former editor of Beer & Brewer magazine, beer writer, host of Beer Events extraordinaire and fellow beer blogger – see his feed in my list of ‘Drinking Mates’ on the right hand side of my blog.

We have swapped comments and shared views on each others’ blogs for a while and it was a very nice surprise to meet him as suddenly as I did. Matt was at The Local Taphouse to host a corporate beer dinner upstairs – BEER DINNERS for corporates?? Where were they when I was out in the mud shooting the CEO with paintballs or running the Food & Beverage Manager off the Go-Kart track!?! Nice gig if you can get it! Let me know if you need a ‘sidekick’ next time you’re down in Melbourne, Matt!

There was something very Beer Karma about meeting a fellow beer blogger in person. It just goes to prove that beer really can make the world a smaller place and one in which people with shared interests can connect much more easily than in days of old. Now, settle down, Mrs Lager, that does NOT mean I am about to embrace the evil empire of Twatter. Yet. I just mean it was a strangely warm feeling to have ‘made a friend’ due to the Wide Wide World of Webs and a common passion for good beer. That’s all. Good to meet you, Matt.

Cheers
Prof. Pilsner

And just to clarify an earlier point, the kind of people who usually slide in to The Local Taphouse (late on a school night, remember) and give us a laugh are the ones like Sean served a couple of Ale Stars back. This scraggy bloke, who looked as though he may have been already reasonably ... refreshed ... straddled the bar and surveyed the blackboard next to us.

After Umming and Aaahing for a minute he says, “Um, I’ll just have a .. orrr ... something simple ... how about a .... a .... a .... number 7??” Number seven was something like an Erdinger Dunkelweizen or similar – certainly it was something a million miles away from his ‘usual tipple’. He hands Sean the cash, takes the glass, strides purposefully away from the bar ... straight out the front door and onto the Number 27 tram to Caulfield. Just like that. Funny, funny shit.

We now return you to normal programming

At around 7 50pm on Wednesday night the pager beeped yet again. This time, however, the message was the one we had been looking forward to for the past three weeks. There were no more specific requests for fire or storm related tasks like running forward command centres (FCC), Municipal Emergency Response Centres (MERO), Incident Response Centres (ICC), Relief Centres or CFA Staging Areas. We were also informed that the RECC (Regional Emergency Communications Centre) would revert to a Central Duty Officer (CDO) role as of twenty hundred hours that night. I could begin thinking about things returning to normal (BEER).

The following day the news came through that the Kilmore East/Murrundindi complex fire that had been burning out of control, and the cause of much of the devastation and death since Black Saturday, was now officially listed as ‘contained’. That means that it was still burning, but within containment lines. This fire alone – and remember it was one of about eight significant blazes – had torched just on 186,000 hectares. That’s like a small country.

Our last three weeks have been spent either out and about at various fire grounds assisting with clean-up or recce operations, running information and liaison centres for residents in affected or threatened areas, lighting and supplying staging areas ahead of bushfire operations or bracing for, and then cleaning up after, wild wind and rain storms that lashed the state last week. Victoria – 46 degrees one week, pissing down the next. Lucky we are known for our sense of humour.

We’ve come to the back end of our worst fire season ever. The heatwave that gave us some three weeks of plus-thirty degree days dotted with four and five day bursts of plus-forties is over. The storms and rains have passed.

I’ve missed my blogging. Truth be told, I’ve missed my beer. he odd one or two here and there without the luxury of being able to sit and sip and really enjoy it. We’ll get right back into that –starting this week. Except that my team is ‘on-call’ this week, so maybe next week. Dr Lager and his family are over for lunch on the public holiday Monday, so may just give it a fair old nudge before the week begins.

And, while I haven’t had the time or energy to post much at all, I have been busy collecting thoughts, opinions and stories for the blog. And be warned – some arse clowns are in the sights for some serious back-handers. It’s good to see that the dickheads have not been idle while I’ve been busy.

Stay tuned.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

Drinking, not blogging

Apologies for the lack of regular posts this last week. Mrs Pilsner was condudcting some training at work this wek as she prepares to roll out the project she and her hard working team have been working hard on. She uses the laptop for this and combined with preparations for her birthday and various other celebratory and sporting commitments about this week, I have barely had time to think, let alone post.

I have not been idle, however, and I have managed to get in a little 'research' with regards to all things beery. A very pleasant evening at The Local Taphouse with Dr Lager and the brother-in-law during the week was a welcome distraction from all things normal and I also managed to sample a couple of new and interesting beers.As the warmer weather begins to sneak along, I have been taking the opportunity to sneak away a few winter warmers and cosy ales. Red Hill Temptation and Holgate Double Trouble as well as a Samuel Smith's Old Brewery Pale Ale have found their way ont the dinner table in the last week and I hope to get some detailed posts on the board soon.

I also hope to put the finishing touches to a post loosely labelled, "How to choose the right beers to assist in getting you throught the fun and frivolity of a five year old's birthday party". Once I have recovered from the fun and frivolity of a five year old's birthday party.

Back Soon.

Cheers Prof. Pilsner

So which is it?

Had a bit of a flashback the other day as I was blogging along. Last year I posted a bit called ‘Beer Myths’ (18/05/07) where we discussed washing your beer glasses and we looked at an issue that seems to refuse to die. Should you wash beer glasses using detergent? I stumbled across this post on a now long neglected blog;

“I was round my parents house the other day and my father and I where enjoying some of his home brew straight from the keg when my mother decided our glasses needed washing. I was rather annoyed to see that she was washing them with soap, as I have always been told that soap is the devil of beer glasses.

Soap can leave a film on the glass (even if you cannot see it) and can distort the flavor of the beer as well as reducing the head. I think we have all been in a bar or restaurant somewhere were the beer has virtually no head and looks filmy around the edges, this of course would be the place washing the glasses in soap. This includes all popular detergents and washing up liquids, don’t listen to anyone who tells you that some forms of soap are good for beer glasses - they are not.”

I happened upon this post and I realised that some myths just refuse to die. I’m not having a go at the author as, firstly, his site seems untouched for more than a year so it may not be corrected and secondly, it’s just an opinion. We all know about them. But, for the record, here is my opinion.

Hops, that most amazingly versatile little bud which gives our beer bitterness, flavour, aroma and preservative, is an oily substance in beer. As such it can leave an oily film on the empty glass, particularly once it dries. It will attract dirt and dust and stay there. This will not just wash off with water and will affect the next beer poured into it. Detergent, and there are plenty of commercial and industry specific types as well as domestic versions, is needed to remove this deposit from the glass and as long as the detergent is removed by proper rinsing the glass is then ‘beer clean’.

“The best method that I use for cleaning my beer glasses is simply and natural… water. After you finish using your glass simply rinse it out well in warm water making sure it is completely clean, it is best to rinse out immediately after drinking as this will reduce things sticking to the glass. Now just let sit and dry, or get a clean (must be clean) towel and dry off your glass. If you keep to this simple method you should always have a nice clean beer glass with no ‘extras’ in it.”

Yeah, water is OK and warm is better, but, after twenty years in the caper – and I’ve washed a few beer glasses – I’ll go for the detergent every time. Water just won’t get it. And if you like to drink with chicks (and who among us doesn’t?) take extra care as lipstick is a beer glass killer. And even worse? Smoke. Nicotine oils are an absolute head killer when it comes to beer. And smokes themselves have been a pain to bar staff everywhere for years!

Put as simply as I can, here it is; at home, rinse your glass as soon as you can after downing the last of your chosen brew. Cold tap water is fine. When you next do the dishes (by hand in the sink, not in the evil dishwasher, you know, cos of Global Warming {WOOOOOO!!! We’re all going to DIIIEEEEE!!} OK?), wash your glass first, before any dishes that might have last nights gravy stains and those unidentifiable bits left on the kids plates and use a bottle brush or cleanish wipe of some sort. Then rinse it in first warm then cool water until the water ‘sheets’ off the sides of the inside of the glass. Set aside and dry with a clean towel. Simple. If you are in a commercial bar, wait till tray is full, put tray in glasswasher, press ‘GO’ button and continue serving beers to punters.

So, make sure your glass is clean and your beer will have every chance of tasting just the way the brewer intended. Water and elbow grease will make it clean – of a sort – but detergent, rinsing and drying properly will make it beer clean.

“And keep you eye out on your mom!”

No, apologise to her; she was on the right track!

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

Bud Gorrrrn

Some world beer news in recent weeks has been the acquisition of Anheuser-Busch by InBev. A-B is the US brewing giant responsible for inflicting Budweiser on the world and InBev is the Belgian based even gianter operation responsible for buying plenty of other large beer brands and brewing concerns around the world and was the second biggest brewer in the whole wide world behind London based SabMiller. Now it is the biggest.

The people reading this takeover news fall loosely into three groups;

Those who are furious that a great American icon business is no more,
Those who think A-B has got a good dose of Beer Karma and,
Those who couldn’t care less.

In Australia a fourth group exists. Those who were unaware that Budweiser was a beverage containing beer.

I have been following the lobby groups and online petitions and letters to anybody who cares in the lead up to the sale and was fascinated by the loyalty shown to the brand. And the angst in the weeks since the sale shows just how parochial some drinkers can be about ‘their brew’ and how immune to the realities of business they can be at the same time.

Bud has never been especially big here in Australia (thankfully) and so we read of its ‘demise’ more with a passing interest than any real concern. Readers of this blog would have followed the story concerning the ongoing stoush between A-B and Budvar over the use of the term ‘budwieser’ but many would be unaware of this ongoing bidding war for the brewer of ‘The King of Beers’. Beer bloggers have reported on the various reactions and it seems that the ‘real’ beer folk have little if any sympathy for the ‘King’s’ downfall.

The way I see it, there are more than enough over processed, watery, mass produced mainstream swilling lagers and who owns them is the same thing as knowing who chose the toilet paper on the Titanic – the result doesn’t alter. Maybe some of the disgruntled Bud loyalists will switch to good craft brewed beer instead and the real beer world will be a little more populated.

Some good articles on the A-B InBev merger can be found here.

The Rise and Fall of an American beer
In Bev buys A-B

Beer Blogs

You remember that ad on telly a few years back for some shampoo or face cream or something girly like that featuring a pretend Scandinavian woman letting you in on the secret of nicer looking skin or fluffier hair or better tips? I think she said tips. Anyway, the tag line was that ‘you tell two friends and they tell two friends and so’on en so’on en so’on!’ Crap ad from a blokes point of view but I draw on it now to make a good point. Stick with me.

I got into this blogging caper through Dr Lager when we started our homebrewing operations and in the beginning I just sort of figured it would be half a laugh for the two of us and maybe some of our especially bored mates. We posted the results of our brews and plans for the next one and forwarded some brewing tips we found online. Before long I found myself drifting off topic slightly and exploring different aspects of brewing and beer drinking. Next thing I was pumping out every beer related post I could think of and before I knew it I was musing and reckoning and reviewing and wondering about beer, beer culture, beer buying, beer reviewing, beer brewing and boobs!

And, more than this, people started to leave comments on the stuff I was writing. They were sharing their own beer experiences and seeking answers and questioning other blokes’ masculinity and sexual prowess (though I think these may have been mates commenting under FALSE NAMES!! For SHAME!!) And not just local folk either, but blokes and blokettes from interstate and around the globe! Who knew that this internet thingy was WORLDWIDE!?!

Then it suddenly dawned on me – I had become a beer blogger!!

Each time I discovered a new beer blog I found yet another through their blog or one of their articles or their blogroll or list of mates. I could see what the pubs were doing with food in Portland, what was new and happening in bars in Texas and Missouri, what craft brewers were doing in New York, what was worth drinking in Canada and I could follow the quest for real ale in London. All this from behind a pissy little laptop and a glass of beer!

Every day I would unearth a gem and learn a little more about beer and beer culture around the world. And with every visit made and received and with each comment collected and delivered it seemed that the Beer World was getting smaller and more and more accessible. Before I knew it I felt as if beer blogging was just one big virtual pub crawl and you couldn’t stick your head into a venue without bumping into a mate! At times after reading a review of a beer I even felt as if I could actually taste it – despite the fact that I couldn’t even actually get my hands on it.

Beer blogging has broadened the reach of real beer, it has given air to opinions and trends and marketing strategies, it has allowed those undiscovered diamonds to find an appreciative audience and it has brought together some good honest beer lovers who love to share a beer – real or virtual. These ‘good blogs’ are also keeping at bay the dangerous beer geeks and uppity beer snobs so, keep up the good work, all of you!

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner