Quiz Answers.

In response to a couple of polite requests – and more than a few nasty threats, I have managed to find the time and the correct answers to our Quiz; "How Australian Are You." Thanks to all who enjoyed it and for those who found the time to write and, in some cases, dob in some dodgy neighbours and work colleagues, I have nothing to do with immigration issues or terrorist risk response but I shall pass on this information to the appropriate authorities.

The answers are as follows;

Q1. There are 24 cans in a slab. Or a brick if you are in the Northern Territory. Or a carton in SA. Or a pantry if you are a Uni student.

Q2. The odd one out was Carlton Cold. Boag’s, Toohey’s and Cascade are all beers.

Q3. A white maggot can be found in groups of one, two or four on the playing field of Australian Rules football matches. NRL and Union now dress their respective maggots in garish multi-coloured tops so that people feel too sorry for them to abuse them as much. But they still do.

Q4. Adelaide water smells like poo. Coopers beers don’t. They are very, very good.

Q5. See above.

Q6. Phar Lap won the 1930 Melbourne Cup. And his stuffed and mounted hide still has more body than Corona or Foster’s Light Ice.

Q7. No. False. Incorrect. Wayne Harmes tapped the ball fairly and squarely to Ken Sheldon and that’s that. Collingwood did not win the 1979 Grand Final. I saw the results in a big history book.
Here is some timber. Build a bridge. Get over it. You know who you are.

Q8. Edmund Barton was the first Australian Prime Minister. This question should have been a ‘gimme’ because his was the only name you didn’t recognise. We don’t tend to honour our past leaders, although we have named the part of the pub where you buy beer after part of Edmund Bartons’ surname. And we did name a pool in Glen Iris after a PM who drowned. Now that’s honour.

Q9. If you drank 10 stubbies of Emu Bitter you would be in a state of severe inebriation. And also in Western Australia. That’s the big state on the left of the map where we keep most of our big drug barons, failed business tycoons, dodgy politicians and South Africans.

Q10. The words to the song ‘Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi, are as follows. Or, as precedes. It was written by the same musical genius who penned the classics, "Ooh, Ahh Glenn McGrath" and the theme to Big Brother. Both cricket tunes were amusing for about a minute. They are still part of the rites of passage for teenage fans who have not yet discovered that cricket is played during One Day Internationals and they are nothing on the classics like "You’re Goin’ Home In the Back of a Divvy Van", "If You’re Happy and You Know It Sharshsha Tits" and "What’s The Colour of a Two Cent Coin, Copper, Copper".

I trust that all Blokes and Blokettes got a top score on the quiz and that you enjoy the rest of your stay in The Wide Brown Land.