As I write this, I have just got off the phone from the brother-in-Law. Chris was just geeting into a pair of hospital scrubs and was on his way into an operating theatre to be his partner, Jen, as she was being prepped for a Caesarian section to welcome their first-born into the world.
The until-now named "Thor" the Viking Baby decided to arrive a couple of weeks early and, due to a rise in blood pressure, the Docs leaned away from an .. enticement? ... an encouraging? Whats the word? INDUCEMENT!! and went for the Cut & Shut instead.
I rang Chris and told him that there were only a few simple things to remember based on my own experience of my three visits to the Open Her Up And Let's See What Pops Out Room. Chris said he couldn't talk as he was due in the Op Room and I told him to relax; they won't start without you - Jen won't let them. Just remember this;
1) Hold her hand with one of yours and pat her forehead with the other. This keeps her happy and stops the Doctors and theatre staff from handing you any surgical instruments.
2) They hang a little green sheet so that you don't actually see any blood and guts and stuff as the baby is extracted. a) take a quick look over the sheet - when are you ever going to get a chance to do that again? and b) don't let Jen catch you peeking.
3) Don't worry that you haven't chosen a name yet. You get about 7 days to submit the birth certificate. More important is the choice of beer to celebrate the arrival. You don't get a second chance at that. Take your time and choose wisely. (Drinking inside the delivery suite or back in the room while Jen is still drugged to the eyeballs are not the best times to do this, however.)
I'm off now to choose a suitable beer to celebrate the early (and quite unexpected) arrival of the first child of a blond English/Scottish Australian and a dark haired Phiilipino.
There must be a beer out there that ticks all those boxes?! Lend me a hand and let me know if you can think of one.
Cheers
Prof (Uncle) Pilsner
