Pilsner Premium Blonde Export Lager Draught Beer - Part One

Beer History

The Beer Blokes’ latest experiment follows on from successfully producing a Lager in the Pilsner style. We have just bottled our latest and hopefully greatest - Pilsner Blonde. This brew led me to ponder the nature of beers and their naming. In this multi part series we look at how beers get their names and why I don’t really like beer marketing people.
In the beginning . . .

The world of beers, as we know, is divided into the Adam & Eve categories. Ales are the Adam, the original beer and conceived of the Gods in a far off time. They were beers made with yeast which did it’s bit on the top of the brew and worked under warmer conditions creating a generally darker, misty, often cloudy drink best served at warmer temperatures and in stone or wooden mugs so as to not put the drinker off by him seeing what he was drinking. These beers were to be sipped and their rich, sometimes fruity aromas and flavours to be enjoyed in a leisurely manner. But they were susceptible to tasting like rubbish if the warm weather were to disturb the delicate balance of nature or if the yeast was over worked or mutated. And that’s ales.

Then came lagers. Eve.

Eve rocked onto the scene and all the beer drinking men stopped what they were doing to look at her and take in her beauty and say things like, “Fwoarhh ! Have a look at that, that’s a bit special I would like very much to have me some of it.” And the like. As you may be able to tell, lager was unlike anything that the beer world had seen before. Not only was it bottom fermenting, but it also fermented at low temperature and this type of yeasty activity brought about a cleaner, smoother taste complimented by a fine bubbled carbonation.

At around the same time, in what is now the Czech Republic, the makers of fine crystal glassware were able to say, “ Hoo-bloody-ray! At last the punters have something decent to put in our glass and show off it‘s brilliant visage. We might just sell some crystal and then I can get Grandma back from the pawnbrokers’”. So the beer makers were encouraged to create yet more crystal clear, brilliant and bubbly beverages for the masses - and the masses couldn’t get enough. Ales were never to fade away, but their time at the top of the ladder in a league group of one was over.

So, now that you know the ‘who’ of the beer world, in very basic terms, you are ready to venture into the strange and often confusing world of beer names. But be warned - some of the terms and usages are just downright misleading - so stay close to me. And as for some of the people giving out the names, well they’re just knobs.

P.S. The label from the Hoegaarden Forbidden Fruit above was banned in some places for being too raunchy. Wonder what they'd make of Rubbel Sexy Lager with the scratchy bikini panels. Or the upcoming Beer Blokes' Sharsha Boobies Blonde.

MAKING BEER pt4 - 101

Water

Beer is up to 97% water. Water is therefore fairly important to beer. It carries the flavour and makes the drink last longer and you can use it to rinse out your empties for home brewing. It also helps to build the taste - or flavour profile as the marketing men like to call it - of many beers. But it is still just water. Up to a point.

In days gone by, when the town water supply was used for everything from washing dishes to washing the goat as well as drinking, it became obvious to all but the village idiot that drinking beer was a pleasant alternative to dying of thirst or cholera. Or of having your clothes smell like poo. Worse still, someone else’s poo. Breweries, therefore, liked to site themselves near fresh water sources. This was so that a) good water made good beer, b) flowing water could be harnessed to power mills and other brewing equipment and c) the scenery would make good beer labels in the future.

Beer water can be categorised into two types. Hard and soft. This does not mean that hard water makes Carlton Draught and soft water makes any lager from the United States, but that the character and mineral composition of the water makes a difference to the taste of the final beer.

Nowadays, most commercial breweries alter or adjust their water to fit the beer profile. Adding salts and calcium, magnesium, zinc, sulphate and removing chlorine and fluoride all contribute to the finished taste - in general soft water for lagers and hard water for ales. And recycled poo water for anything out of Adelaide that’s not Cooper’s.

Water was also the reason for, or the impetus for, the development of some beer styles in themselves. Pilsener, for example came about as a result of the nature of the soft water used to brew it as much as for the hop flavour and aroma. The mineral rich H2O at Burton-Upon-Trent is as much to thank for the taste of traditional English ales in those there parts as the skill of the brewer. Cascade beers have a certain aura about them arising in no small part to the images of clear, flowing mountain streams. And the less said about Southwark, the better.

This concludes The Beer Blokes’ Guide to making beer - an entertaining and informative look at the process of making beer and the importance of each of it’s ingredients. For more interesting facts about beer, stay tuned to Beer Blokes, read some books, look up some websites or pop into your local bottle shop and drink some beer. You just might learn something.

Alcohol and Humans

Professor Pilsener has, quite rightly, made mention of the lack of posts by my good self on the Beer Blokes Blog. In all fairness I’m not sure I have the time to invest in the amount of research to compete with the wealth of knowledge PP is accumulating on the topic of beer.
Therefore my cameo posts must be on other issues. Broad human issues that help justify the many emotion fuelled decisions we make each day. Today I am going to look at alcohol and humans.
As one of the many life forms on Earth humans are the only group that needs to artificially stimulate their environment by mind altering substances such as alcohol or drugs. Does this make us superior to the animals? or inferior? The merits of this debate could well warrant detailed discussion…

Actually I just wanted a lead-in to what I think is a funny video!

Enjoy,
Dr Lager